Archive for July, 2011


July 29, 2011 Leave a comment

This is the last #Hashtagfairytales post of the month, and you all know what that means: July’s #TweetoftheMonth! But July has been a HUGE month with lots of events. July 29th, for instance—the day of this posting—is my mother’s birthday; Happy Burfday mom! (Your birthday gift is the honour of being mentioned on #HTFT [and you know its honourable because the honor has a “u” in it]! You’re welcome) This month has been chock full of goodness and fun! Pr. @MarcoAmbriz is finally entering Narnia; the American Women’s Soccer team made it to the World Cup, and what’s more the Japanese team—who has endured much loss and pain—ended up winning. Even in that loss is a feel-good and inspirational story! Also, this month had some good movies, Captain America was really fun, Smurfs and Cowboys and Aliens are out today, and all of the #Pottheads—not to be confused with #hashheads—really turned out to the newest and final Harry Potter movie, (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2) which shattered records worldwide!

But July was not just a month of #crazygonuts fun, there were some painful things that happened. I don’t mean to say that this is has been an all bad month, but this month has brought a great deal of pain, and I’m not just talking about the premiere of “E! True Hollywood Story: Snooki,” I mean a different pain, you know the kind that has some theological implications. Friends, please come on this journey with me as I get a few things #offmychest! There will be very sensitive issues dealt with here, and I hope you’ll stay with me.

July 2011:

#letjusticerolldown– Some of you will recognize this as a #hashtag (formerly spacious quote) from Dr. John Perkins, others will recognize this as a quote from the prophet Amos. To be frank, this quote was the first that I thought of when I heard the verdict for the Casey Anthony Trial. Let me say first that I believe in this, the country of my birth, and I believe in its justice system, but there are wrong judgments at times and that is because humans are not perfect. Anthony was being tried for the murder of her daughter and though there was a substantial case built against her, she was found not guilty. I cannot say that she is guilty—she would need to say that—but I can say that justice was not served. A child is dead and no one has been held accountable. It causes pain in my heart to know that this girl could be alive today, and is not because of the action—or lack thereof—of another person, and that person walks free. I wish and pray for no harm to befall Casey Anthony, but I also pray that justice rolls down.

#Utoyattacks– In Norway, were two vicious attacks. One was a bombing in Oslo, and moments later, a shooting in Utoya. The death count is up to 76. The shooter at Utoya (by the way the “o” in Utoya has a trendy Ikea-esque slash through it, but my keyboard doesn’t have that) was said to be a Christian, and even wrote a Christ-centered hate-fueled manifesto. This pains me as a Christian, to know that in the name of my Lord who self-proclaimedly (Don’t think that’s a word, but it sounds super cool!) loves the world, a man killed people. Now I am not new here, I know of the crusades, but just because it has happened on a large scale before doesn’t mean we ought to be ok with it.

Also, I understand that many attacks like this happen all of the time, there are a handful of people who kill in the name of God and call themselves justified, but allow me to name-drop and quote my good friend Paul (the author formerly known as Saul) when I say, “It is God who justifies.” God does not bless needless killing, He does not embrace the religious terrorist. This may come as common knowledge to most, but I don’t think that the deep implications are explicit enough. These religious terrorists are in the minority, Allah does not condone these actions from Muslim extremists either, and devout Muslims are just as disgusted by these Cretans (no offense to anyone from the beautiful isle of Crete)! I know, I know, I am a Christian who was born and raised Fox-fundamentalist, I am supposed to #blamethemuslims for everything (terrorism, the debt crisis, Kirstie Alley on Dancing with the Stars in spite of an overwhelming lack of talent), but this is wrong, this is pain, the Qur’an does not teach pain, but peace. Now, does that mean I am Muslim? No, I don’t agree with tons of things; they believe in genies for crying out loud! Am I a sympathizer for “evil-doers and terrorists?” Certainly not, I just realize that while the religion has some far out tenets, I cannot say that the religion condones such actions in the same way that Chistianity does not condone them. A handful of extremists do not a religious base make.

#norehab– “They tried to make me go to rehab and I said ‘No, No, No!’” This was the first line in the chorus for a hit song by the very talented late Amy Winehouse who passed away this past week from (allegedly) drug related issues. Let me say this in keeping with the post #whysoserious, and in an effort to be candid, I get the irony. The irony does not stop there, Amy Winehuse who wrote that she wasn’t going to go to rehab died of a drug overdose just two weeks after Betty Ford who is famous for having overcome addiction and assisting others to do the same. The irony isn’t lost on me. But this is hardly anything to joke about, the death is still painful. There are two parents who are still in mourning. The world lost another young talented human being.

On the Tweetters the day Winehouse was found dead, someone tweeted, “Yeah, I get it, Amy Winehouse died, but there are dozens dead in Norway.” This wrenched my heart. Just because her death is possibly drug-related it matters less? Or is it because she’s famous and famous people die all the time? Or maybe it is that she is only one person. But let’s not fool ourselves, read the following sentence, and read it without a clichéd tone: If Amy Winehouse were the only person on earth—WITH all of her flaws and addictions—Christ would have died for her. I understand that this is a bit overused; its corny, but its true. There is a family “sittin’ shiva” because of this young lady’s passing. God cares about each one of us individually. Does He hurt more for the people in Norway because there’s more? Nope. Is His concern more with the Winehouse family because she was famous AND Jewish? That’d be a no! God hurts for each one individually and uniquely, because He cares for each one individually and uniquely!

This month was full of pain. Friends, look the pain in the eye and say, #thatsnotgoodenough! When you have a chance to love, or be just, or comfort, or share in pain, or listen to someone or to simply cause something that is wrong—that is painful—to be right, give pain a scowl, run to your window and yell, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!”

(Sorry for all of the parentheses [they can get a bit annoying]. Also, sorry for the fakeout, it began kinda cute and fun, but then got heavy like Kirstie Alley!)

(New target?)



July 22, 2011 Leave a comment

As you are reading this, someone is having their phone tapped by Rupert Murdoch and his papers…allegedly. I am sure you all have heard of #Murdochgate, and the “News of the World” phone-hacking scandal which—by the way—Murdoch says he “doesn’t feel responsible for.” #Hashheads, allow me to quote Bob Dylan: #thetimestheyareachangin’! I hate to sound like an old guy, but times really are changing. In the case of #Murdochgate, they are changing for the worst, but I also must say, times are changing for the better as well. I love the concept of Twitter rock stars! A rock star used to be someone who lived recklessly, and played “that devil music,” but nowadays, if your tweets are compelling enough, you too can be a Twitter rock star.

Let me tell you now, that this episode is not controversial; I just wanna have a little fun…kinda like Cyndi Lauper (#randomreference). Friends, allow my candid honesty when I say, I want to be a Twitter rock star; I wanna be the #twittermickjagger (insert Ke$ha joke here), and I think I am on my way. Last week, I broke 100 followers on Twitter! I know, huge number huh? Granted it has dipped back down to 98 now, but I think I am still on my way. This week, #Hashtagfairytales will give you the Top Ten Characteristics of a Twitter Rock Star (or at least how it works in my head)!

10. #notsoboring– A True Twitter rockstar can talk about anything and it isn’t boring to their followers. @ingridmusic can tweet about her eating cereal and then get hundreds of replies about why Fruity Pebbles are better that Fruit Loops. Kudos Ingrid (as in Kudos Granola bars)

9. #RTme– Twitter has started to notify of Retweets by emails, I imagine that people like @DonMilleris get Retweet emails all day long. He probably has them all go to a folder in his Gmail likely called “People who think I’m cool.”

8. #checkmeout– I usually tweet links to articles that I think are interesting or fun, I also tweet links to #Hashtagfairytales. But Twitter rock stars tweet links to articles other people wrote about them! I can’t wait for my interview by Rolling Stone Magazine; or at least the Christian version: RELEVANT Magazine!

7. #andthewinneris– If I tweeted, “First person to meet me at Downtown Berkeley BART station gets a free #Hashtagfairytales bumper sticker,” I’d likely just end up by myself at “Crepes-a-go-go” with a San Pellegrino, and a Crepe with Nutella. But photographer @jeremycowart offers his DVD “LIFEFINDER” and hundreds jump at it! Meanwhile, my bumbersticker is on a hippies guitar case next to a sticker about a different hash.

6. #millionsandmillions@TheRock always mentioned his millions and millions of fans, and now he has hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers, like any good Twitter rock star would. #TeamBringIt, look out, I almost have that many followers (±857,291)!

5. #howcute– All kids are cute. Alright, that’s a lie, but there are lots of cute kids, but the cute kids of Twitter rock stars become rock stars in their own right. That’s why @JonAcuff’s little girls are my spiritual advisors, they are so cute and innocent…at least that what the tweets say.

4. #inspired– Whether it is @RevRunWisdom, @ochocinco, or @BillCosby, when they say something cheesy and inspirational, it becomes a top Tweet. It’s like they publish an obligatory inspirational quote every now and then. Twitter Rock stars can see the true ebbs and flows of life and they share them with the rest of us. Truly, we owe E-40 a thank you!

3. #whatsupbreh– You know you’ve really made it on Twitter when another Twitter rock star mentions you back. When I see Twitter rock stars converse, it’s pretty crazy. Once Donald Miller tweeted a picture of him at @realrobbell’s house; it was like a Twitter Coachella, but better because Kanye West wasn’t there!

2. #readyformycloseup– If you really pay attention, Twitter rock stars’ profile pictures can also double as headshots for their next gig. Look at @DaveRamsey, totally legit picture that could go on the cover of his next book or DVD. Hell, @ShawnMichaels_ profile picture looks like it could be a T-shirt!

1. #check– The ultimate Twitter plateau is a Verified Account. Apparently there is someone somewhere who decides who gets a verified account, and if they do they get a little check-mark on their profile. Although as much as I talk, I gotta face reality, @JacobCHoward is not a verified account, but @Sn00ki is.

(You win this round Snooki, but you just wait, I WILL be the #twittermickjagger)

(I know what you’re thinking, kinda weak, but remember “90% and published is better” my friends…or in this case 22%)


July 15, 2011 1 comment

As I said last week, C.S. Lewis is my BFF despite his overwhelming handicap of being dead. I have known him for years, but we really got close my freshman year of college. We never experimented or had any drunken nights, but we did have some crazy nights in bed if you know what I mean. Recently, I decided that I would try to read any one fiction book and any one non-fiction book every month. So far, I have read non-fiction like Father Fiction by @donmilleris, Churched by @jesusneedsnewpr (a gift given to me by @sacedo83), and the ever infamous Love Wins by @realrobbell. It is the fiction, however that I am most proud of; among other books, I recently acquired The Chronicles of Narnia written by my BFF C. S., or as I call him, Jacksie.

Here on #Hashtagfairytales, we have tackled a lot of controversial topics and issues, but this once may be the most controversial: The reading order for Chronicles of Narnia. Now I may lose a few #hashheads here, but maybe I can gain a few #hashswaggertaggers, but I think, nay, I know that the chronicles ought to be read in the order published and NOT in chronological order. The copy that I was given by my friend, @lpeezeeto was in chronological order as decided by the publishers at Barnes and Noble, but I must respectfully disagree. The order published is frankly the only way to read them, and if you got a problem with that, I got two words for ya: sorry man.

When you read The Chronicles of Narnia, you are to read them as follows:

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Prince Caspian

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Chair

The Horse and his boy

The Magicians Nephew

and The Last Battle

This is the only way to read the Chronicles, especially for first-time readers! Though I feel like I could write a two-episode blog about the reading order, I will not belabor that point, or beat a dead horse, because that is not a hill to die on, no, at this point, we’ve got bigger fish to fry! (#clichéking) The Chronicles of Narnia is a great series that every human being should read. That is a big statement, but start to finish The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe all the way to The Last Battle, seriously gave me chills and goose-bumps; not that I know much about goose epidermis or poultry dermatology in general, but again, please allow the cliché. Lewis does not invite you into Narnia in these books, he grabs the reader and pulls them into this “other world;” while reading the books, I had no desire to come back to our own. But let me share with you, let me tell you why #istayinNarnia!

#cmongethappy- Throughout the chronicles there is always reason to be terribly unhappy. If it isn’t a white witch (not a racist statement) or talking monkey (also not a racist statement), it’s a magic lady or a creepy uncle (not the kind of creepy uncle that your mom won’t let you get ice cream with, but one that practices dangerous deep magic). However also throughout is a reason to be happy, and usually that reason is Aslan, the titular Lion from the first book of the series (we’ll talk more about him later). Aslan always has an ace in the hole, and it usually involves a few children from our world who end up being the heroes. It doesn’t matter how bad things are, and for how many hundreds of years they’ve been this way, if you see a few kids in knickers, tights, and suspenders that look like they ran away from a tour of Oliver Twist, you know things are gonna be alright! (#pleasesirmayihavesomemore) I really love the slow reveal of Lewis in his stories, and as @SickboyMccoy has helped me realize about myself, I tend to focus on the rythm of a writer; I love the rhythm of Lewis’ writing, and the way he reveals the reasons that there are to be happy and hopeful among the chaos is absolutely brilliant. Seven books and seven reasons to be happy!

#epic- The only way to describe the Chronicles as a whole is #epic! From the overarching storyline to the crazy names, Narnia is where it’s at! For the storyline, SPOLIER ALERT: it’s really good! Lewis’ tendency to be meticulously descriptive lends itself in a great way to the “grass is greener” land of Narnia. In Narnia, I can see the rich colors, I can taste the thirst-quenching water, and I start to whisper when sneaking around the giants. While reading, you start to saying, “I have no idea what that means right now, but I know that’ll come up in another book!” What’s more, the names of the creatures are crazy enough to make Lady Gaga seem normal. There are the one legged dwarfs called Dufflepuds, horses named Bree and Hwin, a badger called Trufflehunter, a Marshwiggle called Puddleglum, and of course the faun named Tumnus. I mean in Narnia things are better named in general, they call their most famous dwarf Trumpkin, where in our world our most famous dwarf is called Snookie.

Plus there are philosophical implications for days. Another SPOILER ALERT: Narnia is a supposition (as versus allegorical). Lewis wrote in a letter to a woman named Mrs. Hook, “In reality…[Aslan] is an invention giving an imaginary answer to the question, ‘What might Christ become like if there really were a world like Narnia, and He chose to be incarnate and die and rise again in that world as He actually has done in ours?’ This is not allegory at all.” This is some #epic stuff! Not to mention Lewis’ allusions to some Rob Bell sounding stuff in The Last Battle; that’s #hashtalk for another day though. Also, don’t get me started on the “Problem of Edmund” which will one day be a topic on #Hashtagfairytales no doubt! Narnia is an epic place and here is the most epic thing about it!

#Aslanislegit- There is a reason that Liam Neeson was chosen to be the voice of Aslan for the most recent film series; only a man that is badass could voice such a character who is a supposition of a man with the testicular fortitude of Christ (see last #hashtag of last week’s episode). Aslan was the hope of all of true Narnians; hope in the unseen is key for a true Narnian. Puddleglum said the most memorable phrase in The Silver Chair, and for me the line that resounds louder than any other in The Chronicles of Narnia. When faced with the possibility of Aslan being a figment of his imagination and simply an idea in his own “play-world,” Puddleglum says, “I’m going to stand by the play-world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can, even if there isn’t any Narnia.” It is this that I leave you with, Aslan is not a tame lion, and Narnia is not a normal place; but normal is no longer good enough. That my friends is why #istayinNarnia!

(I slipped a Gaga reference in? I suppose one Gaga in hand is worth two about Bush. Also, this has been the most cliché-rich episode ever by far, but when in Rome)

#Hashheads! Take a minute to share some love and learn to live like a true Narnian; check out: Live Like A Narnian


July 8, 2011 1 comment

I’m an ass man.

I’m not really, but it grabs your attention. Some loved that I began this episode of #Hashtagfairytales with a “curse word,” and other #hashheads are dreading the sight of a cuss (#sorrymom), but we all know what this is referring to do we not? Sexiness! There are tons of things that make a person sexy. In our modern day western culture, sexual attraction is key isn’t it? We have known for years that sex sells, and in adverts we have seen nearly every part of the human anatomy to sell the strangest things. Sure, I’ll buy that burger, but only because of those fine legs in the commercial; Yeah, I’ll buy my husband your jeans if his package will look like that in them; Count me in for that exercise equipment if I’ll get abs like those. (Well, I suppose that last one makes sense, but you get the point)

Different people like different things right? I’m a lips man. Oh, I’m an eyes girl. I’m a foot guy. Yeah, I like a nice smile. I like melons. I go weak in the knees for biceps. It’s all about a kissable neck. Well, all my guy needs is broad shoulders. I mean the list goes on and on. Now let me take a page out of Pastor @MarcoAmbriz‘s book and begin with what this post isn’t about.

This post isn’t a condemnation of 21st century advertising. I am a student of the media game, I get it, I agree that sex sells and if that is effective go ahead and do it. I don’t think that sex in ads makes us as a people slaves to anything. Purchase is all in the hands (and pockets) of the consumer. If I don’t want it, no matter how much sexiness is present I won’t buy it; I dare you to gussy up a commercial about Southwest Airlines, if I don’t have travel plans I won’t buy. But once I do need to travel I may remember that commercial, so more power to sex selling, let’s just be responsible consumers.

This post isn’t a condemnation of each having their own preferences. Have at it, people like what they like and there is nothing wrong with that. We are attracted to certain types of people. If a person likes guys with broad shoulders, their guy friends will probably have broad shoulders, our preferences don’t stop at sexual attraction (they don’t begin there either) they spill over into our friends. People like certain things and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Friends, allow me to share what this post is about; it is about what I perceive as the sexiest thing about a person. That’s right #hashheads, I am about to give you the pinnacle of sexiness. I will teach you all how to be a #sexybeast like @IAmJericho. After all who better to give advice than #jacobsexyhoward? My conclusion is this:  Humility is sexy! Yep, I said it,  humility IS sexy! In the words of my friend Marche, #hashtagthat; good advice Marche, I will!


Think about it, the first 3 months or so of dating is all about giving compliments when you see the other person, which sucks for me, because I am terrible at catching new things. But the first part of the relationship is all about that back and forth complimenting, “I like your hair.” “Oh thank you, that shirt looks great on you!” Now don’t get me wrong, the compliments ought to keep coming all throughout the relationship, but the beginning of the relationship thrives off of it; it’s that mutual give and take—the #quidproquo that pushes a relationship. But how do you carry on with a prideful person? “Hey, that blouse really brings out the color of your eyes.” “Do you really think so? I bought it the other day for like a ton of money and I thought I looked great in it, but my friend Shirley—who is totally jealous of me because she has an acne problem—told me it was kind of ugly, but I told her that…” Let me tell you now that relationship will not work.

It behooves me now to say that I am not against confidence, that is sexy too, but pride is not! Confidence says, “I really think my solution would work best.” Pride says, “Those idiots wouldn’t listen, I had the best idea and now they’re just going to fail.” One is inherently ugly isn’t it? Humility is so sexy. I’ll tell you what; I go weak in the knees for a girl who can say, “Maybe I was wrong, you do have a point.”  And I am sure any girl would love a guy who can look her in the eyes and say, “I. Am. Sorry.” That just made chills go down somebody’s spine. I am telling you humility is sexy!

This my friends is why #Hashtagfairytales is sometimes a breeding ground for insults to the Kardashians and Snookie, there is this idea that sexy is a big booty, or sexy is a spray tan, or sexy is sleeping with an entire football team, or sexy is having no talent but being on television anyway! This man disagrees! Just an ounce of humility goes a long way. My BFF C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.” When I see this in a person I usually say, “Eww gross!” If you are humble, you are #winning!

Humility is a beacon of hope in this dark prideful world of ours. Have I attained everything I am talking about, certainly not, but I would love to. I envy the humility of some. The major misconception is that humility is a sign of weakness, but that is far from the truth, it takes a great amount of intestinal fortitude to be able to know what you are saying is right, and still stay humble while others walk over you. It takes immense testicular fortitude to stand in front of people who only mean you harm and look them in the eye and say, #LoveWinsBreh! I know a guy who did that once, and he ended up dying, but then he came back three days later. Why you ask? Because—to quote Pr. Ambriz—#Jesuswasabadass!

(10th episode anniversary! I said a naughty word AND called C.S. Lewis my BFF. It’s a good day)


July 1, 2011 3 comments

BREAKING NEWS: Emily Maynard and Brad Womak are Splitsville! That’s right, Maynard and Womack have broken off their engagement and Emily has plans to now go back to normal life with her 6-year old daughter. Now I am sure all of the #hashheads were waiting for this subject to appear once news broke this past Wednesday! I remember sitting at my desk amazed at the…what? I’m sorry, one more time? Tell me you did not just say that. You have no idea who Emily Whos-it and Brad Whats-his-face are?! Welp neither did I; but apparently he was once some sort of eligible bachelor who decided to allow ABC network to assist him in finding a spouse, and she was the lucky lady (I may be overstepping a bit by saying lucky lady, but in her defense she was really lucky). The first step was to gather a bunch of females of our species who have low standards, high skirts, and no self-respect—my guess is that Snookie was busy that season. The second step is to have the man pick at random the woman with whom he “wants” to spend the “rest of his life.”

(Note: Feel free to change the first word in quotations to “is so drunk he is convinced that he wants” and the second to “however long the network contract says with her”)

However, surprising as it may be, this couple from “The Bachelor” didn’t last. All 10 weeks they spent alone with 15 other women, producers, and camera crews somehow did not produce a lasting relationship. Some may call it tragic, others comical, but friends, it’s #thattimeofthemonth for me here on #Hashtagfairytales and I will call it a part of the #TweetoftheMonth for June 2011! (#comedyflow)

June 2011:

#goodbyeKazaam- Shaquille O’Neal is hanging up the size 23 basketball shoes! It’s hard to believe that this guy has been on the court for two solid decades; almost as hard as it is to believe that a boombox encased Genie was also in a film with Oscar-winning actor Lou Gossett Jr. Shaq is a real man’s man, and is someone to look up to (pardon the pun) for tons of reasons, he is a real life giant, an Olympic gold medalist, has an MBA, is working on his doctorate, a reserve police officer in two states, an NBA MVP, and 4-time NBA champion! I cannot deny his extraordinary talents, he can voice-act, write a dissertation and win an Olympic medal, but, he can’t make a free throw. Sorry about that Shaq, I know you thought you’d make it out of the business without that coming up, but I mean, come on, they are literally free shots, no pressure, just an opportunity for easy points, and the big man can’t sink them. Apparently that is his Achilles’ heel, well, that and almost every project outside of the NBA that he has worked on. Shaq, we love you, and you will be missed on the court. Well-done sir!

#Maverickswagg– The Dallas Mavericks win their first NBA championship in franchise history over the Miami Heat, who was the team favored to win. I carry a small bit of pride given my aforementioned roots in Texas, but I am so much more proud of team owner Mark Cuban. This eccentric billionaire left a $20,000 tip the night of the huge win. Who does that? I mean, I thought I was a big tipper for leaving 20%, but $20,000 trumps the 20% of my Pea soup, and lemonade dinner that I ate at California Pizza Kitchen (by the way, bad idea, soup=good, drink=good, soup+drink=heartburn; no bueno). Best part of the win is that minority shareholders of the Mavericks were just about to sue Cuban for his eccentric antics, noting that they are reckless and harmful to the team in that they produce no results. In a published legal document, Cuban responded citing a picture of Dirk Nowitzki and his teammates with the NBA Championship! Now that’s ballsy! Note to self: if suing for ineffectiveness, wait until after the big game! Mark Cuban, for your #Maverickswagg, I salute you!

#justonemorething- If I had an alcoholic beverage or a strong drink, I would drink to the late Peter Falk, better known as Lt. Columbo from the series bearing the same surname. Columbo was great! I know what you’re thinking, “He doesn’t know what I’m thinking,” but the real question is, how does someone of my young age and obvious attractiveness know about an old show like Columbo? The answer is simple—and thank you for the compliment—I watched Columbo with my grandfather who loved the show. That bumbling harmless routine was perfected long before Hugh Grant apologized for sleeping with a hooker, and it was done better by Peter Falk. Without Columbo, there’d be no “Monk,” no “Get Smart,” and no “Inspector Gadget,” all of those shows were in some way inspired by the performance given by the Golden Globe #winning Academy Award nominee Peter Falk. Oh, and to borrow the catchphrase of Columbo, #justonemorething, Thank you Peter Falk!


“June 2011: Miss USA crowned; RIP Dr. Death, Columbo, and Ryan Dunn; #Maverickswagg; #goodbyeKazaam”

(No, I didn’t forget about the resignation of Rep. Anthony Weiner, but I think “Weiner pulled out early” jokes are beneath me)