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#suspended

April 27, 2012 Leave a comment

I am excited for May 5th.

I am an alum of Patten University in Oakland, Ca. and on the fifth of next month there will be a Barbeque for alumni and current students. My guess is it will be a fun little shindig; I suppose I’ll see some old friends there. There will be a volleyball game and word on the street is that Christian Rountree—a young woman with a story that is crying to be told—will be there sharing a bit of her story. I am looking forward to food, wiffle ball, alcohol, and loud Banda music. The food and wiffle ball will be coming from on campus, but the alcohol and Banda will be coming from the neighbors…because our picnic is on Cinco de Mayo! (#Fruitvale)

But that is what’s going on next month. I like to think about the future, but if you’ve ever seen my wardrobe, you’ll know that I also like to live in the past. This is why #Hashtagfairytales always shares the #TweetoftheMonth; a time to review the major events of the previous (#plusorminus) thirty days! So #hashheads, without adieu, I give you…

#April 2012:

#suspended- America is a land of opportunity. So much so that if you are a rich dude and you want to be the leader of the free world—the President of the United States; the POTUS if you will—you can throw your hat in the ring; I once mentioned #fiveguys who attempted to do just that. But of course the POTUS is like the #Highlander: There can be only one! (Side note: Is it just me or is #HungerGames remind you a little bit of #Highlander? [#TeamGale]) Anyway, this month, two guys suspended their campaigns in the GOP race for the nomination. Seriously rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich? “Suspended your campaign” did you? No, you lost. I kind of hate it when I hear that someone suspended their campaign, it isn’t like they are going to resume it; although I still get emails from Rick Santorum. C’mon guys, just say you were getting your butt kicked and you give up!

#NaGriCheeMo- You’ll remember that the month of #Movember was #NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). But did you know that April was National Grilled Cheese Month? Neither did anyone else. I suppose if people knew then Coachella would have been much different! I could just see holographic Tupac chomping down on a melty, flakey, homemade, fresh off the griddle, grilled cheese sandwich; because Pac loved his mother***kin Kraft Cheese! (#waitwhat)

#areyouseriousbro- Charles Manson was a heinous individual. He was responsible for pain and murder of many people. He brainwashed people and destroyed their lives. He was a conspiracy theorist who ran from the law and has been in prison since 1971. He was a relentless bigot and he had a parole hearing this month? #areyouseriousbro?! Why are we wasting time on this kind of garbage. Waste of time and money; a bit disgusting. 

In other news, Dick Clark was a beloved television personality and a legendary broadcaster. He was on the air for the better part of four decades. His face has rang in more New Years then I have even experienced. He was Americas oldest teenager and made millions laugh over the years and we haven’t seen a full tribute yet? #areyouseriousbro?! As an aspiring broadcaster Dick Clark is a hero of sorts. My true passion—my dream of broadcasting in WWE—would be nothing without Clark. His involvement (though small) in the Rock and Wrestling Connection in the 80’s truly introduced professional wrestling into the mainstream. And for that Dick Clark, we thank you. (Also, I gotta thank @ZackRyder for the use of his catchphrase: #areyouseriousbro)

#POTUSwiththemostest- In other #areyouseriousbro news, guess who was a guest on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. That’s right, the current POTUS: Barack H. Obama. Fallon has a sketch where he “slow jams the news” and Obama assisted him in doing so. Now of course this was just a chance for the President to push his own agenda and further popularize himself with young potential voters (the show was taped on the University of North Carolina Campus); his part in the bit was nearly purely propaganda. But this was arguably one of the coolest comedy bits that a sitting president has done. But don’t take it from me, see for yourself:

Slow Jam the News with Barack Obama

#TweetoftheMonth:

“April 2012: RIP Thomas Kinkade & Dick Clark; Santotum and Gingrich are dropouts; #POTUSwiththe mostest slow jams the news #TweetoftheMonth”

Audience Participation question: What were other highlights of April that I missed?

(Hunger Games, Dick Clark, Tupac, Zack Ryder, and Barack Obama. Typical #Hashtagfairytales.)

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#urbanhipster

April 20, 2012 2 comments

Tupac performed at Coachella.

The episode could just end there couldn’t it? A hologram of Tupac—that was quite lifelike actually—performed at Coachella alongside Snoop Dogg. Who thought I would ever type that sentence? Some saw it and thought it was really cool, others thought it was really creepy.

When I saw the video, I was thinking (I have a tendency to do that every once in a while), “Psh, I remember listening to Pac when he was still alive.” Then it hit me—not a bullet or anything, just another thought: might I be a #hipster? Am I an #urbanhipster? Or what’s more an #blackhipster? You know one of those people who looks down on you for watching “The Cosby Show” because they watched “The Jeffersons” (#NickatNite). One of those of the African American persuasion who says they dislike watermelon because it is “too mainstream.” One of those people who says, “I was black #beforeblackwascool!”

Be-tee-dub, just so you #hashheads know, you don’t have to be black to be a #blackhipster. No my friends, there are black hipsters in all colors. So how do you know if you are a #blackhipster? Simple, you say things that #blackhipsters say. Today on #Hashtagfairytales, I give you the Top Ten things #blackhipsters say.

10. “I wore a bow tie when people still thought that I might try to sell them a bean pie.” (#nationofislam)

9. “When I sported a stocking cap, they were made from real stockings.” (#thanksmom; #datsgross)

8. “I wore Ray Bans back when Steve Urkel was still wearing them.”

7. “I voted for Clinton before ‘voting for the black guy’ was cool.”

6. “You wear a long white tee that says ‘RIP Lil’ Kiko’ to pay tribute to your lost homie; I wear argyle for the same reason (#RIP Mr. Rogers)”

5. “I sang along to Disney movies when Pocahontas was the closest thing to a black Disney princess.”  (#Tianacankickrocks; #impartcherokee)

4. “Oh, I don’t need to watch ‘The Help,’ my grandmother pretty much lived it.”

3. “I was wearing Vans before they ‘looked like sneakers’ and riding skateboards before Lil’ Wayne.”

2. “I knew Dougie before he had a dance.”

1. “I watched Tyler Perry when he only produced plays.”

Audience Participation: What are some other #urbanhipster quotes?

(Question: Was this episode racist? Answer: No, I’m black; black people can’t be racist.)

(Commence fight)

#getonthefloor

April 13, 2012 Leave a comment

Faith is not easy.

But you already knew that.

I just found out.

I haven’t had any recent struggles with faith, and I haven’t doubted God as of late, which is how I confirm my conclusion. My faith in God is strong right now—I might say as strong as it has ever been. You all saw last week’s episode of #Hashtagfairytales, #thatssilly; in that episode, I affirmed my belief and faith in resurrection, the most paramount and silly of all Christian beliefs. It is in my strength that I find my weakness.

Because my faith is at its best, I can truly see how inadequate it is.

Sure I’m good in the belief department. You throw Biblical statements and doctrine at me and I’ll believe them left and right; and I’ll tell you why I do! I say a revised version of the #ApostlesCreed daily; I know what I believe. Mind you, I do not boast in my great faith, but in my lack thereof.

The complimentary statements in Romans 8:11 fully describe my inadequacy:

“And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.”

Dang it! I mean this same Spirit is in me; Yup! I believe that fer sure. But also give life to my mortal body? As in make my life abundant? Like not just make me alive, but make me really live? Seriously? I mean, this fella is in the business of raising people from the dead and I am supposed to believe he is also worried about giving ME a quality life? I mean I believe the words; who doesn’t? But that God cares about what job I have and what friends I hang out with seems a bit below his pay grade. It’s like asking Bill Gates to sell Microsoft Office software at Best Buy, or telling Kim Kardashian to…umm…well, she doesn’t really do much anyway, but you get the point.

Sometimes I feel like praying to God about little things like romantic relationships is a bit petty. God has a busy schedule; I saw Bruce Almighty. There are sick babies and people who have never had clean drinking water. Sometimes when I pray I am not sure I am expecting an answer. Not because HE can’t but because I think He just doesn’t care. (#transparency)

Not too long ago, I paid a visit to a friend’s apartment.  He lives on the 10th floor and given the abundance of my waistline, I typically take the elevator. As I stepped out of the elevator onto the tenth floor, I noticed something extremely dangerous.

I didn’t look down.

I just believed that the floor was there and that it would support me. Friends, I don’t feel comfortable sharing my weight, but let me say it is approximately 12 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models—or somewhere around there. I just believed that the floor would support me.

The floor doesn’t care. But God does.

The floor isn’t all powerful. But God is.

The floor doesn’t know any of my hearts desires. But God knows them all.

I wish I had as much faith in God as I have in the floor.

The philosopher commonly known by his gangsta rap name Mystikal once said, “Danger, get on the floor!” (#Y2K was a good year) I say the same thing; I need to get on God like I #getonthefloor. I mean to say, I need to just step out all undignified and just trust that He will support me. He will hold my weight. He will always be there. #getonthefloor and don’t look down! #hashheads the book of I Peter says it better than I ever could. Pete, take it away: “Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

It’s just true. I am growing my friends; I am learning. I implore you all to take heed to this.  The finals you are stressing over and are studying for are not only your concern, but the are at the heart of the creator. Very God of Very God cares about what college you pick. Your job; He cares. Your wedding venue; He cares. Your small city; He cares.Your house in foreclosure; He cares. Your bank account; He cares. Your broken relationship; He cares. You; He cares.

Question: What do you care about? He cares too.

(Did I quote Mystikal and the apostle Peter in the same paragraph? Only on #HTFT!)

#thatssilly

April 6, 2012 1 comment

I want “the new iPad.” I’m sorry, I’m afraid that’s an understatement. What I mean is, I have called at least one Apple store every day for a week and checked the in-store availability online (give or take) 7 gazillion times per day (#nobigdeal). For those of you keeping track I did at one time own an iPad, which is why the #HTFT episode released on October 7, 2011 was #SentFromMyiPad. But that was a 1st generation iPad; I want the newest. I know what you’re thinking, #thatssilly. You are right, I mean one tablet is as good as another right? But the resolution of the screen is sooo cool; it has been dubbed as “Resolutionary” with 264 ppi (that’s #pixelsperinch for the #techspec lightweights)!  So I sold my old one and am in the market for the new one, but it is sold out everywhere. Now does it make sense that I’m so obsessed? No? You still say #thatssilly? So did I, that is, before I got my hands on it and decided that I needed it. Once I learned I needed it, it didn’t sound so silly.

But it isn’t just iPads.

Resurrection.

#thatssilly

I mean it is. Pure science tells you that resurrection is silly. At commencement, all things are in a state of decline. This applies to living things and non-living things. You buy the fruit and then they start going sour in the fridge. I’ll build the Ikea dresser, but it’s only a matter of time before #thingsfallapart (10 points to anyone who got the Chinua Achebe reference).  As soon as the baby is born he starts getting older and decomposing. Is this a dark outlook on life? Maybe, but it’s true. Death—we are taught—is inevitable, and once it is encountered, the story is over. Death is the end. It’s logic. It’s common sense. It’s science. It’s reasonable. It’s true. Call it what you will, it’s life.

So resurrection, #thatssilly.

I would agree. It’s obviously Easter season right now; on Easter Christians worldwide and across time have been celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But we have clearly established resurrection is silly. But Christians just keep insisting that this Jesus is what the world needs; what I need and what you need. I don’t think I need to even say it but #hashheads, that is silly.

So then why do I want to see Jesus? Why do I long to see his face? Why do I believe this crazy thing? It’s kinda dumb isn’t it? I mean I don’t know if you have ever seen it put to words, but I believe this: A Jewish religious teacher who said he was the son of God, healed people, preached love and justice, became an enemy of the state, was killed in one of the worst ways possible, came back to life, and floated away into heaven. I really do believe that. That is crazy talk! Only an idiot would believe that right? It’s pure silliness. Before you exit this page because of sacrilege and blasphemy, I am not the first to say that, the first was Paul in a letter to the church of Corinth. “The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (I Corinthians 1:18)

Friends, today many mourn the death of our savior, and on Sunday (#SPOILERALERT) they will rejoice in his resurrection. I have experienced the living Christ. So this message that would be foolishness, this message that I likely should look at and say, “#thatssilly;” it is the same message that I proclaim today right here on #Hashtagfairytales: Jesus Christ, and him crucified. Jesus Christ and him arisen. Once one’s soul needs Jesus, the message doesn’t sound so silly.

This post was inspired by a tweet from @MarcoAmbriz

(Did I just compare an iPad to the resurrected Son of God?!)

(Does the comparison make me justified in stalking the Apple store? No? Thought I’d try though.)