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#goodbye

July 27, 2012 Leave a comment

You didn’t think I would leave without saying #goodbye did you? After all of the time that the #hashheads gave to this blog, I could not dream of leaving things undone. Allow this episode to stand as a series finale of sorts; not like a “House M.D.” or “Seinfeld” series finale, more like a “Harry’s Law” or “Kings” series finale (I mean #Hashtagfairytales is #epic, but it isn’t #EPIC). So my friends, allow me to make a declaration of sorts: When in the course of online events, it becomes necessary for a person to dissolve the creative bands that have connected them to a website. A decent respect to the opinions of any fans or readers that the site has gained requires that they should declare the causes which compel them to this separation.

I hold this truth to be self evident: #Hashtagfairytales has been a hell of a good time for me! I hope that it has been for you as well. But it has run its course. It is time to move on. Does that mean that the domain is leaving? No. http://hashtagfairytales.com will remain alive and well (#cheapplug). This site will remain as I am very proud of the ride that we had. The guest posts, the fun comments, the responses to the #PolloftheWeek; I would be amiss to forsake them. I will leave them to memorialize the joy, the intellect, and the suffering that was had in these pages. #Hashtagfairytales has had the opportunity to react to a few timeless or historic events.

The inception being in the wake of the death of Osama bin Laden, #HTFT has had the solemn duty of reacting to events like the passing of several individuals (Randy Savage, Whitney Huston, and Dick Clark to name a few), and tragedies such as the Norway shooting, but it has also had the pleasure of celebrating holidays (Thanksgiving [#gracias], Christmas [#istayinnarnia] and of course the premier of @CutDownPodcast), and introducing items of pop culture (#obscurereference). We experienced together the rise and fall of #TheAdministration (let me save you some time, it was a sham like Mili Vanilli’s singing voice; it was as fake as the Easter bunny or Iowa).  I guess the #bottomline is: I’ve had a good time.

You might ask: Ok then, Why? Why is this #goodbye? Why not #seeyalater? Because my friends, it is time. Everything has it’s time and everything must die. This project that is #Hashtagfairytales has run its course; it lasted longer than a Kardashian marriage (I’m looking at you Kim), but not quite as long as a Kardashian marriage (Kudos to you Khloé). Does that mean that the #hashtag is dead? No, it is still alive, although if it doesn’t watch it’s back the meme will soon take over. I simply mean that this project, this platform, this blog is done. The purpose of this whole thing was to give me a platform. Once again, it is no secret that my goal, my dream, my “rock star job” would be to be an announcer for the WWE, but I ask you, is #Hashtagfairytales going to get me there? It is tough to come to the conclusion that it isn’t.  Did it even extend my name further than my existing circles? It is difficult to face the fact that it hardly did.

One of the hardest things for a man to do is admit that he is wrong, so I face that difficulty and publish it online.

I was wrong.

Drink that in, everyone with whom I have ever had a conversation; it may not happen again.

I was wrong.

Dang, I was wrong, it DID happen again…

And again.

But you get the point. The internet is full of people projecting themselves and creating platforms, how many of them will admit they are wrong? How many will admit that they are barking up the wrong tree?

Let me clarify, I do not regret #HTFT, I simply recognize it as a project that didn’t accomplish my goal. But believe it was a great time and I had so much fun writing it. I cherish each of the readers I have had. Each reader who took their time to invest in me has a special place in my heart. I don’t just say that, I mean it. On top of that, #HTFT truly honed my skill of creative writing. Through this blog I have been able to find my writing voice, but by and large this project is in fact done.

Allow me to quote an author for whom I have the utmost respect, Jesse Rice, author of “The Church of Facebook.” In his last blog for THE CHURCH OF FACEBOOK (I’m not yelling, he just likes all caps), he said this:

“Sometimes you just need to admit you’ve failed and start over. I pretty much failed as The Church of Facebook blogger and that’s okay. I have other gifts. Namely, house plant maintenance. I was inconsistent, my branding was all over the place (as were my topics), and did not have any clear goals in mind. I sincerely apologize to my faithful subscribers who took a chance pressing the ‘submit’ button and didn’t get much in return. But admitting failure clears the road for a new beginning.”

I cannot say that I am gifted in the art of ensuring the survival and prosperity for the common ficus as Mr. Rice may well be, but I can say that I agree with his statement.  I must admit #hashheads, #HTFT was all over the place, in a bit of a quirky way, but a blog needs direct guidance. Upon his first visit to this blog, Graphic designer Nate Davis said this to me, “So. When you said ‘hashtagfairytales,’ I thought you were either going to make up stories in 140 characters, or based on hashtags that you noticed on Twitter.” That would have been a good call Mr. D, but that #Hashtagfairytales was not. But rest assured that Jacob C. Howard is not gone, you will see him again in an online capacity (possibly sooner than you think).

#Hashtagfairytales is and was a medium of entertainment. It may not be streamlined or organized in such a way as to amplify my name, but if this blog has entertained and/or taught any one person. I say, #missionaccomplished. Thank you to everyone who has dropped by. I appreciate it. I will miss #Hashtagfairytales, but I bid you all adieu, and I say with all love and respect possible; with a heart of joy for time well spent: #goodbye.

(“Insert smart ass author comment here”)

#justonemorething

July 1, 2011 3 comments

BREAKING NEWS: Emily Maynard and Brad Womak are Splitsville! That’s right, Maynard and Womack have broken off their engagement and Emily has plans to now go back to normal life with her 6-year old daughter. Now I am sure all of the #hashheads were waiting for this subject to appear once news broke this past Wednesday! I remember sitting at my desk amazed at the…what? I’m sorry, one more time? Tell me you did not just say that. You have no idea who Emily Whos-it and Brad Whats-his-face are?! Welp neither did I; but apparently he was once some sort of eligible bachelor who decided to allow ABC network to assist him in finding a spouse, and she was the lucky lady (I may be overstepping a bit by saying lucky lady, but in her defense she was really lucky). The first step was to gather a bunch of females of our species who have low standards, high skirts, and no self-respect—my guess is that Snookie was busy that season. The second step is to have the man pick at random the woman with whom he “wants” to spend the “rest of his life.”

(Note: Feel free to change the first word in quotations to “is so drunk he is convinced that he wants” and the second to “however long the network contract says with her”)

However, surprising as it may be, this couple from “The Bachelor” didn’t last. All 10 weeks they spent alone with 15 other women, producers, and camera crews somehow did not produce a lasting relationship. Some may call it tragic, others comical, but friends, it’s #thattimeofthemonth for me here on #Hashtagfairytales and I will call it a part of the #TweetoftheMonth for June 2011! (#comedyflow)

June 2011:

#goodbyeKazaam- Shaquille O’Neal is hanging up the size 23 basketball shoes! It’s hard to believe that this guy has been on the court for two solid decades; almost as hard as it is to believe that a boombox encased Genie was also in a film with Oscar-winning actor Lou Gossett Jr. Shaq is a real man’s man, and is someone to look up to (pardon the pun) for tons of reasons, he is a real life giant, an Olympic gold medalist, has an MBA, is working on his doctorate, a reserve police officer in two states, an NBA MVP, and 4-time NBA champion! I cannot deny his extraordinary talents, he can voice-act, write a dissertation and win an Olympic medal, but, he can’t make a free throw. Sorry about that Shaq, I know you thought you’d make it out of the business without that coming up, but I mean, come on, they are literally free shots, no pressure, just an opportunity for easy points, and the big man can’t sink them. Apparently that is his Achilles’ heel, well, that and almost every project outside of the NBA that he has worked on. Shaq, we love you, and you will be missed on the court. Well-done sir!

#Maverickswagg– The Dallas Mavericks win their first NBA championship in franchise history over the Miami Heat, who was the team favored to win. I carry a small bit of pride given my aforementioned roots in Texas, but I am so much more proud of team owner Mark Cuban. This eccentric billionaire left a $20,000 tip the night of the huge win. Who does that? I mean, I thought I was a big tipper for leaving 20%, but $20,000 trumps the 20% of my Pea soup, and lemonade dinner that I ate at California Pizza Kitchen (by the way, bad idea, soup=good, drink=good, soup+drink=heartburn; no bueno). Best part of the win is that minority shareholders of the Mavericks were just about to sue Cuban for his eccentric antics, noting that they are reckless and harmful to the team in that they produce no results. In a published legal document, Cuban responded citing a picture of Dirk Nowitzki and his teammates with the NBA Championship! Now that’s ballsy! Note to self: if suing for ineffectiveness, wait until after the big game! Mark Cuban, for your #Maverickswagg, I salute you!

#justonemorething- If I had an alcoholic beverage or a strong drink, I would drink to the late Peter Falk, better known as Lt. Columbo from the series bearing the same surname. Columbo was great! I know what you’re thinking, “He doesn’t know what I’m thinking,” but the real question is, how does someone of my young age and obvious attractiveness know about an old show like Columbo? The answer is simple—and thank you for the compliment—I watched Columbo with my grandfather who loved the show. That bumbling harmless routine was perfected long before Hugh Grant apologized for sleeping with a hooker, and it was done better by Peter Falk. Without Columbo, there’d be no “Monk,” no “Get Smart,” and no “Inspector Gadget,” all of those shows were in some way inspired by the performance given by the Golden Globe #winning Academy Award nominee Peter Falk. Oh, and to borrow the catchphrase of Columbo, #justonemorething, Thank you Peter Falk!

#TweetoftheMonth:

“June 2011: Miss USA crowned; RIP Dr. Death, Columbo, and Ryan Dunn; #Maverickswagg; #goodbyeKazaam”

(No, I didn’t forget about the resignation of Rep. Anthony Weiner, but I think “Weiner pulled out early” jokes are beneath me)

#fathersdaywinning

June 17, 2011 3 comments

Alright my friends, as you all know, Sunday, June 19th is Fathers day and that special man will be requesting a few small things from you: your love, respect, and most importantly, extravagant gifts. Now, I am no father—and I didn’t need Maury to prove that—but I thought I’d help you out with a few “no-no’s” for this Fathers Day.

A popular thing to do is compare good old Pa to a great man who has accomplished a great many things. What father wouldn’t want to be compared to famous #hashheads like Clint Eastwood, Johnny Cash, Dirk Nowitzki, or Marty McFly?! But there are a few guys you don’t want to include in your ode to dear old dad. This week on #Hashtagfairytales are the Top Ten men not to compare your father to:

10. Newt Gingrich: Not only is he a former success, everyone who matters left him; it’ll make dad paranoid.

9. Jack Kevorkian: I know his jokes may be so bad you feel like you want to keel over, but it’s just not nice.

8. Harold Camping: Dad may have made some bad “judgment calls,” but there’s a better way to tell him.

7. John Edwards: Even if your father HAS misappropriated campaign funds, and broken federal laws, who hasn’t? Let it slide for once guys.

6. Rosie O’Donnell: I am told she is not a man, but just to be safe, I thought I would include him on the list.

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger: I am sure no dad wants to be compared to Arnold, even Arnold as a dad hopes not to be compared to that guy!

4. Justin Beiber: Now, I am a member of #TeamBeiber, but I’m sure your dad isn’t going for that prepubescent look or feel. Sorry #Beliebers!

3. Charlie Sheen: Your dad will be happy on Sunday, he’ll be #fathersdaywinning, but be sure not to push him over the edge and make him talk about #tigerblood, #vaticanassassin, #foolsandtrolls, #changeyourbrain, #fightwithwarlock, #adonisDNA, #topgunradical, #gnarlygnarlingtons…not a good look!

2. Anthony Weiner: You don’t want to compare dad to this former New York Congressman; no one wants to come up short in a Weiner comparison test!

1. Lebron James: Maybe dad’s not a clutch player either, but if he married your mom, at least he has a ring!

(Let’s hear from the #hashheads: Who are some men you think would be a good or bad comparison?)

#paininthearse

May 21, 2011 1 comment

Boy how life is grand! Isn’t it? The sun is ever-shining, the birds chirping away. #5.21.11 (or as Family Radio Worldwide called it “Judgment Day”) has come and gone, and we are all yet in one piece. Spring has sprung, #Hashtagfairytales is in full swing, and somewhere in the world, there is a baby laughing which means an angel just got its halo! Life gets better everyday doesn’t it? We grow and we only get better with age like a good wine or fancy cheese. Osama bin Laden was killed earlier this month, and that means evil has left the world! That’s quite the illusion is it not? Sure, life has its benefits, and our world contains many good things, but overall, life is a #paininthearse isn’t it?

On the worldwide scale, there is death; there are tsunamis, hurricanes, and strife. On an interpersonal and emotional scale, there is immense of pain and hurt; that’s just a part of human relationships. Even on a physical scale there are tons of things from paper cuts to bullet wounds that are painful. The problem of pain is a huge issue that many people twice as smart as I am have addressed, and I have had a few thoughts on pain that I want to share. No friends, this is not a guest post by Debbie Downer; just the opposite. There is a general perception of pain throughout a vast majority of western thinkers (if not the world over), the perception is: Pain is bad. I however would tend to disagree, Pain—my friends—is good.

Now before you click over to ThreeFiftyCakery, let me say that I haven’t lost my mind! I understand that pain feels terrible; of course, who could disagree? Pain sucks, and no matter which branch of the above-listed pains we deals with, we are left with a very deep and profound conclusion. The conclusion—and I’m just going to go out on a limb and say it—pain hurts. I know, heavy stuff right? Just let that wash over your spirit. #sarcasm

Yes, pain hurts, but I cannot help but live by the maxim: Pain is good. Now I don’t mean that old pansy arguments, “Pain helps build character.” “No pain no gain.” I cannot buy the fact that pain is good because we get something on the other side! That’s totally bogus! (Did I just say bogus? Oh #hellothere1995 ) This argument does not truly say pain is good. Pain is still the bad guy, but whatever comes next somehow rescues us? That’s some lazy logic! No, pain itself IS good.

A few weeks ago I had a bruised rib (or at least I think it was, I know that it hurt to breathe deeply), I started thinking, “Geez, this hurts, something must be wrong, maybe I ought to see a doctor to try and get this fixed.” Pain communicated with me didn’t it? Whether it hurt or not, my rib would have been in the same condition, the pain just let me know, “Hey breh, somethin’ is wrong here.” Pain comes alongside us and says, “Um, I think something is wrong here, I wanted to let you know before it kills you.” Some say that pain is punishment from God; I disagree fer sure! When our physical body goes through pain, our cognizant mind says, “This isn’t ok with me.” We then go on a quest to fix it; why wouldn’t this apply to other types of pain?

When a relationship starts getting tough, someone starts to feel something different; a little pain here or there likely occurs. The two people ought to either fix it or end it, but some action must be taken. Why? Because a bit of pain presented itself and gave no other option. And how bout that worldwide pain. When tsunamis hit Japan, and hurricanes rage the south, people die, and natural disasters cripple people and economies, we all as a people must look around and say, “Hey guys, something isn’t right here.” This cannot be it. This pain is saying to us, “Fix it, please! It can be better.” Pain is calling out to us. Pain is on our side. Pain is telling us, look beyond this, there is healing and restoration somewhere, now, go and find it. Pain is good.

(Wow, that was deep, I think I’ll go eat cotton candy and play Frisbee now)